When you love and care for your partners, you really strive to avoid your destructive behaviours and past bad influences. You educate yourself. You become more aware of your partners’ emotions and feelings.
But, some of you may be immature and ill-educated partners. You may be making your partner’s life unhappy, sad, or miserable. You may be aware of the wrong things that you are doing, or you may be lacking awareness.
The best thing to hold onto in life is each other.— Audrey Hepburn
What are our goals when we are in a loving relationship? To live a wonderful life together and loving and caring for each other every day — a life full of great memories, laughter, and happiness. Okay, I admit that we are not that perfect, and it’s tough, but we can try harder to get as much nearer to this dream as possible. Can’t we?
So, I have mentioned below some points and thoughts to sketch out what mature and ideal partners generally do and what they shouldn’t do:
Sometimes, We all get angry, unhappy, and frustrated with our partners for different reasons. Sometimes when a third party (in-laws, relatives, friends, neighbours, etc.) instigates us. Likewise, they can also feel the same way as us. It’s completely human and okay.
But, when you target your partner with abuse or beating, that is a terrible and inhuman way of handling the situation. It means that you are ill-educated and need guidance.
An educated partner doesn’t deal with such situations in this way. They will communicate the issues, analyse them, and find a solution suitable for both. It’s hard sometimes but always possible.
Also, some people are habitual to do so. They find reasons to abuse or beat their partner. Some people do so to let out their workplace frustrations. And some come home after heavy drinking and create a ruckus. Such people are ill-educated, in bad influence, or have grown up in a wrong upbringing.
As human beings, we crave and feel the urge for intimacy and sex with our partners. But, it doesn’t mean that you force yourself upon your partner when she is not ready. Because you feel the urge and have every right to violate her.
If you do so, you are in a truthful way an ill-educated, immature and selfish person. A person who thinks of his partner as a commodity. No, you are wrong and can’t force her to do sex with you. Many women around the world are facing this torture because of their bad partners.
As an educated, mature, empathetic, caring, and loving person, you would see how your partner is feeling at that time. Does she really want to do it or have an interest in it? Is she feeling tired or sad or not in the mood?
Sex is a mutual pleasure, and both partners need to be in sync and feel the love, mood, and comfort. In the absence of these emotions, you must have self-control and look for another time.
You are an ideal person and don’t indulge in financial abuse if:
On the flip side, immature and selfish partners try to control the monetary situation of their partners. They decide how much money they would give to their partner and when. They track where their partners are purchasing or spending.
Your partner feels helpless and struggles to support herself when you try to control your partner’s financial situation like this. You just want her to depend on you.
As you get tired from the day’s work, so does your partner. It’s not a particular gender’s responsibility to do home chores. You both should divide or help in home chores and other duties depending on the circumstances and time available.
If you are watching TV or wasting time on social media while your partner is doing chores, you are being selfish and looking for your comfort only.
She also wants to enjoy TV, books, outdoor play, personal time, etc. You are empathetic and caring when you share chores and home responsibilities.
Sometimes you feel that your partner is not giving you enough attention. She is not spending much time with you. Why? Because there are some urgent projects or office work, where their commitment is required.
You need to understand and support your partner when it comes to such work-related commitments. Their career, progress, and growth are as important as your own.
Support, care, and being there are the keys to a happy relationship; not picking out an argument or fighting to blame her for not taking out time. Only immature and ill-educated people do so.
There are times when your partner feels sad, unhappy, or frustrated. An ideal partner knows what their partner is going through. You feel empathetic towards the feelings of your partner and conversate with them, and hear them out.
If your partner is unhappy because of you, you discuss the issues with them and resolve them. If it requires your apology, you should accept your mistakes and apologise without hesitation.
You assure them that things will be alright very soon and give kisses, warm hugs, or just sit there by holding hands to ease their feelings.
Ill-educated and uncaring people don’t care much about the emotions of their partners. They may have some idea about their partners’ feelings, but they would choose to ignore it.
We all make mistakes in life here and there. Some are small and some are big.
So, there is a possibility that your partner did something wrong in the past and it was hurtful. But he or she has already admitted their mistakes. Now, as you still love your partner badly, then there is no point in reminding the past incidents to make them feel bad.
If you live in the past, you would directly or indirectly target and humiliate your partner for their past mistakes. Only ill-educated and immature partners do that. They do it to get the feeling of revenge.
Mature and ideal partners put efforts to let go of their partners’ past mistakes. They try to understand the situation and different aspects of a mistake. Also, they know that clinging on to past bad incidents or memories won’t do any good for the future of their relationship.
To illustrate what a partner will do if he or she is not selfish, here are some points:
If you are a person who just does the opposite of the points mentioned above, you are a selfish partner. And, when you behave and act selfishly, it increases fights, misunderstandings, disappointments, resentments, etc. In the long run, this could break a relationship.
If you are in an inter-religion relationship, you are an educated and ideal person when you respect and accept that your partner has different beliefs and understandings towards their religion and yours.
It is a possibility that you may have different views and ways of performing religious duties. For example, your partner goes to church or temple or mosque, but you think God is everywhere and one doesn’t have to go to such a place. It is completely normal.
You should understand that these are your thoughts, and if your partner wants to do it differently, you should respect that. And you shouldn’t press your thoughts and beliefs on them.
Life is not a linear path where everything is going rosy and smooth. We all face roadblocks, unpleasant incidences, hurtful comments from others, etc. So, when your partner feels unhappy, it’s normal.
You can work on easing it by communicating with your partner. If they still feel the same, try giving them some space and time, and sometimes being alone does the trick.
Ill-educated and immature partners get irritated and blame their partner for becoming unhappy. They won’t put effort into understanding what their partner is going through.
True partners empower each other and grow together.
There are times when you notice that your partner is struggling in their career, tackling office politics, getting rid of bad habits, etc. In such phases, you encourage and motivate him or her and help bring out solutions and strategies to deal with these issues.
As an ideal and mature partner, you know that your partner’s growth is as important as yours. And as you both grow together, life becomes great, and the relationship becomes strong.
Immature partners don’t have much empathy to hear what their partner is struggling with. They don’t have the patience to sit with their partner and have a heartfelt conversation. They generally ignore the plight of their partners and focus on their own life more.
As relationships are not perfect, many of you may face situations and times where you just want to give up on your partners.
Why are you feeling so? There could be different reasons like your partner is:
You may be doing things like motivating them, communicating with them, helping them find solutions, etc. Yet, after many efforts, you start showing your displeasures and frustrations when positive results won’t come out.
Educated and mature partners try to understand the psychology and the struggles of their partners. They become a part of their struggle and keep on doing whatever it takes to help their partners back on track.
I am not saying that you should never give up. When you know that you can’t live without your partner and you love them very much, you just keep trying again and again. However, you just let it go when you know there is no point in putting in more effort, and there is a lack of understanding at your partner’s side.
However, ill-educated and immature partners don’t put much effort and just give up easily on their partners. They won’t have the required empathy and good knowledge of how to tackle such issues.
According to “healthline.com”, gaslighting is defined as:
manipulating a person by forcing them to question their thoughts, memories, and the events occurring around them. A victim of gaslighting can be pushed so far that they question their own sanity.
To understand it more, let’s take an example here:
Wife: You are not taking care of home responsibilities.
Husband: Who says so? I’m already doing it.
Wife: No, you are not doing so. Can you think of what responsibilities you help me with?
Husband: Oh, come on! I am doing everything I need to do in this home. There is nothing like that, and I don’t know why you are thinking so?
As you see, the husband is simply denying this fact and not acknowledging it; he is simply gaslighting her.
A mature and ideal partner doesn’t play such manipulative games, while an immature partner does it here and there to avoid accountability, responsibility, and other commitments. Some use it to abuse and victimise their partner mentally.
In a relationship, you may face a time when you would require to take some critical decisions like:
You are a mature and educated partner when you understand that your partner’s views and thoughts are as important as yours for such critical decisions. You know that if you discuss a decision together, you can get different aspects and more points on the pros and cons.
On the other hand, bad and immature people don’t consider their partners’ views and thoughts as necessary. They make most of these critical decisions by themselves without discussing them.
Rarely do we see that both partners have A to Z similar likeness, thoughts, habits, views, etc. So, you are an ideal partner when you understand and take it as normal to think of you and your partner as different identities.
Some partners are more aligned with each other, and others are less. Like you are adjusting some of your likenesses according to your partners’, they may also be trying to do the same. A loving relationship is like that.
However, there would be times when you feel that you can’t compromise on certain things that your partner would be doing differently than you. You need not match their likeness. You respect and accept your partner’s differences the same way you want him or her to do the same.
Immature partners don’t compromise and force their partners to oblige to their way of doing things or thinking.
Have you ever cheated on your partner? If yes, why did you do so? You may find out familiar reasons like:
Cheating is not an accident. It’s a choice.— Ann Curtis
As a mature and loving partner, you don’t fall into traps. You avoid places, situations, or people where you can get distracted. You respect and truly love your partner and always think about him or her when such strong thoughts about self-gratification emerge. When you are away from home, you regularly communicate with your partner about what is happening in your life.
On the contrary, certain ill-educated and immature partners look for such situations, places, or opportunities where there are chances of self-gratification. They deliberately cheat. They don’t have the empathy to think about how their partner would feel about knowing it. And they wrongly assume that they have reasonable answers to tackle it if they would be caught red-handed.
Do you accept your shortcomings and admit them to your partner? It’s great to know that you do so. You are an ideal partner who knows there is no harm in accepting one’s flaws. Everybody has them.
Having awareness is a good thing that you are struggling and fighting with your bad habits and flaws. So, you just work on the things, put in efforts, and educate yourself more to overcome them.
Immature partners find it difficult to accept their shortcomings. They see themselves as a perfect person and have no awareness of what they are lacking. Hence, when their partners point out their flaws, they just say, “what the hell are you talking about? I don’t do that”.
You believe in giving and not expecting that your partner should do the same with you.
As a mature partner, don’t give any thought like you should do this favour because later you can ask for a similar favour from your partner. You do it selflessly.
It’s not good to count and mentally register how much you have done and given in a relationship because you will ask for similar returns from them.
It’s an immature way of thinking — thinking that makes you a selfish person.
A relationship is not only about one-way talking; it requires a great deal of listening to your partner effectively. You, being an ideal and caring partner, pay attention to your partner when they are talking to you.
Immature and uncaring partners listen to their partner passively and miss most of what they are hearing. They believe that their partners don’t know much, and most of the time, they talk about useless things.
You indeed are an ideal partner and spreading happiness in your relationship when:
If you are an ill-educated and immature partner, you will just do the opposite of these points most of the time. Such partners don’t have the necessary skills and knowledge to tackle issues and unhappy situations in a relationship.
They regularly fight with their partners and show dissatisfaction and frustration. They say that they are making compromises in their relationship. They accuse their partners of wrong-doings.
Note: Top Photo taken from Unsplash.
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