How Family Influences You to Marry?

Family—the most powerful influence system in the world—affects our choices.

From an early age, we are exposed to family ideals about love. We learn about commitment and marriage. We hear from our parents phrases like:

“One day, someone nice will coem in your life and then you will settle down”

“This is how perfect partners should look like”

“Bring home this type of bride”

“A perfect groom should be like that”

And when you grow up, you experience pressure according to your culture. It could be a subtle hint or full-on pressure.

Whether you are single, dating, or have just started thinking about the future, family often nudge us toward marriage.

Why is family so invested in our relationship choices?

To find the answer, let’s look into how family influences us to marry.

Family Sells You The Idea of Emotional Bonding and Safety

We often consider our families as our first safe haven. Since our childhood, our parents, siblings, and extended family members have been our primary caregivers.

They become our protectors, teachers, and biggest fans.

Because of this, they feel that their opinions matter when it comes to what is best for us. And they matter more when it comes to marriage.

Our family members believe that marriage is an emotional safety net that provides us with companionship, stability, and happiness. As they care about us, they want us to see with a caring partner too. A partner who can provide for us and make us feel secure.

In fact, studies in social psychology have shown that the more emotionally bonded we are with our family, the more likely we are to consider their views on life choices like marriage.

For example, the Pew Research Center published research on family structures in 2019. They found that in many cultures, family structures are seen as emotional and social support systems rather than practical ones.

So, when family members push you for marriage, it is because they want you to have a similar source of support as you get older.

They don’t want you to feel lonely later in life.

For a Family Marriage is Carrying On Their Legacy

Marriage is not just a union between two people, it is a way for the family to continue their legacy.

Parents feel that a child’s marriage is the ultimate step in securing their family line. It is a way to carry forward the family’s values and traditions to the next generation.

Your family wants you to be with someone who fits with the family’s culture, beliefs, and even lifestyle.

In collective societies, a penchant for family legacy is stronger. Such societies focus on their own well-being and unity, and this outweighs individual preferences.

For instance, in India, marriage is often viewed as an alliance between families rather than just individuals. This is the reason they look for “family compatibility” as well while looking for a bride or groom.

Social Expectations Trigger a Family

We live in a society and each society has certain social standards. Families are required to follow social standards, and families have a responsibility to ensure that their children also meet those standards.

Getting married is one of those standards, and that too at the right time.

So, relatives, neighbors, and even casual acquaintances don’t hesitate when it comes to asking your parents:

“When is your son/daughter getting married?”

“Your son/daughter has started earning. Don’t you think it is the right time to get him/her married?”

“Get your son/daughter getting married, otherwise it will be hard to find the right match later”

Such constant questions can make families anxious. Due to such social experiences, they feel pressure when they think about the thought, “What will people say?”. So, it is obvious that your family passes that pressure onto you.

For a family, marriage is not just a personal milestone, it is a reflection of their parenting and social standing. Otherwise, your parents may feel like they are being judged if their adult children remain single.

Society may see them as failed parents.

Sociologist Debra Umberson, in her book Death of a Parent, mentions how families push social expectations onto their children in areas like marriage to help them fit in. They do it so their adult children can avoid isolation or criticism.

Family Has a Deep Desire for Grandchildren

Each family has an ultimate dream—carrying forward the family name and legacy.

To fulfill this dream, parents want their children to get married and give them grandchildren. Hence, parents keep influencing their adult children to have babies once they get married.

For grandchildren, your family gives you a hint, appeals to you emotionally, or guilt trips you.

You can hear them delivering emotional dialogues like the following on different occasions:

“We miss having little feet running around here.”

“When will we have someone to call us Grandfather/Grandmother?”

“Don’t you want us to experience the joy of grandchildren before we leave the world?”

Such words make you think, anxious and sometimes hurt you. You feel like you owe them this part of your life, even if it is not something you are ready for.

What You Can Do

Families are emotional when it comes to marriage and grandchildren. Hence, dealing with family influence on marriage choices can feel like walking a tightrope.

You want to respect their love and care, but you also don’t want to compromise with your dreams and decisions.

So, here are some strategies that can rescue you:

1. Hear Your Family

Before responding to family pressure, try to understand their perspective. Hear them out. There is nothing wrong if you ask your parents or relatives about their thoughts on marriage.

Don’t confront them.

When your family feels that they are being heard, they may feel at more ease. It can open the door for a more genuine discussion.

2. Let Them Know Your True Feelings

Elders in the family often assume that they know what is best for you. So they may not fully understand your perspective.

Pour your heart out and let them know that you appreciate their love and concerns, but you are not ready yet to marry.

Be as clear as you can about your decisions and life goals. Have respectful communication with your family and focus on collaboration rather than confrontation.

3. Set Boundaries Respectfully

Sometimes, pressure from your family can become overwhelming. Then, it is okay to set boundaries.

Respect your family but respect doesn’t mean that you would say yes to everything. It is important to honor their love but protecting your space is also important.

Let them know that marriage is not your priority for now and you are focusing on some other things.

When you set boundaries, you can say something like, “I appreciate your advice and views, but I need the space to make my own decisions”. Your family will understand that you are an independent adult who is capable of thinking critically about what is best for you.

You can even give your family a tentative time by saying something like, “I’m focusing on my career right now, and I would like to put marriage plans on hold for the next three years”.

Once your family understands that you respect yourself and your timeline, they will appreciate the boundaries more.

4. Reflect on Your Own Desires

Family pressure and influence can cloud your judgement about what you really want.

Take time. Pause. Reflect on your values, priorities, and goals. Think about how ready you are for marriage.

Write down the answers to the following questions:

What does marriage mean to you?

What qualities are you seeking in a partner?

What is your plan for your personal timeline?

When you gain clarity on your priorities, you can confidently explain your choices to your family.

5. Educate Your Family About Changing Perspectives

In different cultures, many families hold traditional beliefs about marriage, and that may not align with your views.

In such a case, educate your family members about modern relationships.

Tell them that marriage is not the only path to happiness. Let them know that you want to focus on your personal growth, career, or self-discovery first, then you can think about the marriage.

Educate them that marrying early was considered ideal in the past. Today, more and more people are waiting until they feel emotionally and financially prepared to marry.

Emotional and financial health is required first to have a stable relationship.

Main Photo Credit: Photo by Legacy Shots by Sharan Sathya on Pexels