Stop Being Used By People! Follow These 12 Rules

Have you ever been used by others? Chances are you have. Most of us have been used in some way or other in our lifetime. Sometimes we are not aware if we are being used, but sometimes we are aware and still let the other person use us.

However, it is important to understand that returning a favor is a good thing, but you shouldn’t let others use you for that favor again and again.

Showing kindness is a good thing, but if others keep using you for that thinking it is your weakness, it’s not good for your time, energy, and goals.

If a coworker takes all the credit for the help you provided to them, you shouldn’t keep letting them use you again and again.

So, to tackle these people who take advantage of you, follow these 10 rules to protect yourself without ditching your kind and caring attitude.

1. Know Your Self-Worth

Why do you let someone take advantage of you? Because you don’t recognize your own worth, your value.

When we talk about self-worth, it means finding out what unique qualities we all have. It could be our sense of humor, kindness, or different talents. Maybe you are more reliable and loyal. Maybe you are a great listener who listens calmly when a friend calls you or needs you.

All of these things define what our value is. When we don’t recognize our value, we may keep giving ourselves away for free.

So, recognizing value is important to stand up for yourself. And stop yourself from being used.

“You alone are enough. You have nothing to prove to anybody.”

— Maya Angelou

2. Saying “No” is Important

Learn to say “No” as many people struggle to say it. Why? Because they think saying so may hurt someone’s feelings.

In order to save your time, energy, and mental peace, learn to say “No”. Don’t say “Yes” to every request people are throwing at you. Otherwise, you will become overstressed and start feeling like you are stuck in overcommitments.

The “No” word doesn’t define you are mean. It conveys your limits and boundaries. It protects you from being used. People who really respect you will understand that it is not always possible for you to say “Yes”.

Work on your urge to say “Yes” every time someone comes to you for something.

The difference between successful people and really successful people is that really successful people say no to almost everything.

— Warren Buffett

3. Trust Your Gut

Don’t underestimate your gut feelings.

Your gut is like an inner warning system that can detect someone’s intentions. It activates when someone’s words and actions don’t match.

Whenever you feel uneasy when someone requests you something, trust that inner voice. Whenever you find something off about someone’s behavior, trust your instincts. Your gut helps you when your brain is not prepared to do so.

You should pay attention to your feelings and ask yourself, “Why am I feeling this way?”

Think about what you can do in such situations. Slow down if you need to, set the boundaries if they can help, or simply walk away if other solutions are not working.

Always trust your gut. It knows what your head hasn’t figured out yet.

— Unknown

4. Set Clear Boundaries

To set clear boundaries, figure out what makes you feel uncomfortable or stressed.

Then, be direct and communicate those boundaries and limits clearly. You don’t need to be rude, just convey your messages politely.

People who really care for you or understand you won’t be offended by it. But this strategy will definitely keep the ill-intentioned people away. They won’t be able to take unfair advantage of you.

Furthermore, once you set your boundaries, be consistent in keeping them. When you show consistency, others will understand you are serious and respect your new rules.

Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others.

— Brené Brown

5. Ask Questions

sking questions may look simple but it is a powerful way to protect yourself from being used.

When someone comes to you and requests your time, energy, or money, you may give in without thinking, especially if you are a caring person.

But before you become ready to help them, just pause and think about what is happening.

When you ask them questions related to a particular request, you can determine whether the request is genuine or a form of manipulation.

Also, when you ask questions, notice their reactions. Pay attention to how they respond. A genuine person would be able to answer properly. However, someone who is using you may become defensive and dodge your questions.

And, that’s where you know what actions you have to take to protect yourself from being used.

The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing.

— Albert Einstein

6. Control Your Emotions

Staying in control of your emotions means you don’t let them influence your decisions.

Generally, when we are upset, tired, or excited, we sometimes don’t understand the requests properly and promise things that we regret later.

So, whenever someone comes with a request, don’t immediately jump into the problem-solving mode. Take a breath and don’t say “Yes” without considering if it is really a good idea.

When you control your emotions and think thoughtfully, you can better decide who you want to help and who you don’t, and at what scale.

Control your emotions, or you’ll pay in regrets, apologies, and lost opportunities.

— Unknown

7. Speak Up When It Makes Sense

There are times when we feel that someone’s behavior is not appropriate. We feel uncomfortable and uneasy.

Sometimes we worry that if we speak up, we may seem rude. But this is not right for your mental peace. If you are consistently being used by someone, and they are pushing your limits, speak up.

Let them know what they are doing—kindly, yet firmly.

It doesn’t mean that you start a fight or point fingers at them. It is about expressing your feelings and concerns.

If the other person values you, they will understand and adjust their behavior.

Further, speaking up reveals the true nature of the relationship. A person who respects you and values you will not dismiss your feelings. They will not laugh when you share your concerns. They will not get angry at you for being honest.

And if a person does the above and doesn’t apologize, it is a sign that they don’t respect you, care for you, or love you.

So, in the long run, learning to speak up will protect your emotional and mental health.

Speak your truth, even if your voice shakes.

— Unknown

8. Protect Your Weaknesses

When we share our weaknesses with others, we convey that we are similar to them. It helps us create human connections with those people.

However, it is important to be mindful of certain aspects when we share something with others. Like, who is that person? Should I trust him? Should I really trust them to share this personal information?

Sharing personal information should be selective and only some people deserve that.

If people with ill intentions get to know about your vulnerabilities and private information, they can use it to manipulate you. Even, they can guilt-trip you or make you feel powerless.

Don’t trust people 100% easily, especially in early relationships. Once you start trusting them and know their behavior is not suspicious, reveal them slowly.

Only best friends, loving family members, and caring partners will show empathy and not use your weaknesses against you.

So, keep your weaknesses close to your heart and think twice before sharing them with someone.

Acknowledging your weak spots is not admitting defeat—it’s the surest way to protect yourself from those who would use them against you.

— Unknown

9. Look Inward

When someone uses us, most of our focus is on them only.

We sometimes forget to check our own thoughts and behaviors. We sometimes forget to ask questions ourselves, like:

Are we encouraging people to take advantage of us?

Are we ignoring red flags because we don’t want to upset anyone?

When we look inward and ask ourselves questions, we can find the answers that we are looking for.

For example, if someone in a relationship has been using you, ask yourself, “Why are you still with them? What is stopping you from breaking with them?”

Let’s take another case, where someone in your friends can’t help you when you need them most, ask yourself, “Why am I still being a friend to them?”

Take immediate care of such situations and fix them. Otherwise, you will keep feeling used and resentful.

When you are clear about why you give your time and energy and to whom, it becomes easier to see when someone is trying to take advantage of you.

Your inner work will help you become more confident when you want to speak up or want to set limits.

You teach people how to treat you by what you allow, what you stop, and what you reinforce.

— Oprah Winfrey

10. Pay Attention to Actions, Not Words

Don’t judge people by their words. Look closely at what they do and how they behave.

Manipulative people are good with words. They can promise you anything. They can talk about how much they appreciate you. Even, they can swear that they will repay your kindness.

But if you believe in such empty promises, you are letting them trick you and believing that they are nice people. Don’t just rely on what they have said. Match their words with their actual actions.

Doing so will get you a better picture of who they really are. Only their actions can show what their true intentions are.

By analyzing the difference between what they say and what they do, you can protect yourself from being used.

Don’t just listen to what people say—watch what they do. Actions reveal truths that words often hide.

— Unknown

11. Be Financial Independent

Financial dependence. Yes, this is why many people are being used by others. These people become financially dependent on others for different reasons:

• They have taken money from such people.
• They are dependent on these people financially.

To fix it, become financially secure. It will give you the freedom to make the right choices.

If you rely on someone else to pay your expenses, you may feel obligated to bow down to their wishes. Financial dependency creates pressure on you to become submissive even if you feel uncomfortable.

You know that something is wrong and that someone is taking advantage of you, but you feel weak enough to stand in front of them.

That’s why financial independence is important. It allows you to stand your ground and say “No” when it is necessary. And when you say so, you say it without any worry or fear of losing support.

A big part of financial freedom is having your heart and mind free from worry about the what-ifs of life.

— Suze Orman

12. Finally, Learn More, Evolve More

Don’t stop being curious. Open yourself to learning more as it is a powerful way to avoid being used.

Focus on improving yourself constantly. Improve yourself in all areas—Emotional, mental, and professional.

It gives you more confidence, and this confidence helps you recognize your worth and keep clear boundaries.

When we keep learning, we learn and practice new skills.

When you read great books, talk to mentors, or attend workshops, you learn healthier ways to manage relationships.

You become more aware of your own needs, wants, and boundaries. This self-awareness makes it much harder for anyone to misuse your kindness. They will think twice before taking advantage of your time and energy.

So, never stop learning. Every bit of growth you achieve will empower you to stand firm and refuse to be someone else’s doormat.

Once you stop learning, you start dying.

— Albert Einstein